Fullmetal Invasion
by abbyjenna
Summary: Edward Elric is missing... we took him, of course. Don't bother trying to find him... he doesn't like you anymore. Look out, Alphonse... you're next. Pride!EdXOC, EnvyXOC. Don't like, don't read, and flamers get flamed in return!
1. Chapter 1

**abbyjenna** and **Love's Labours Won**... Jenna and Lois... Malice and Dysphoria

Just so you know... **Love's Labours Won** is the one who's mostly writing this... so check out her other fics (which are better).

* * *

"Hey, Nii-san!" I called, running across the street to where I saw my friend in the ice cream shop, eating three people's worth of ice cream.

"Hi, Lois!" called Jenna, who was shorter, though stronger, than me. I had long, curly ash-blonde hair; hers was a medium-length chestnut and straight as a board.

"Oh, dear..." I said, checking my watch. "Jenna, we need to go! We're late for class!"

"Just a little while longer?" Jenna begged, staring longingly at her huge half-empty bowl.

"No... I'm sorry! Dr. Nash has already been waiting for a long time!"

Jenna sighed with disappointment; I stamped my foot with impatience.

"Let's go already!" I yelled, starting to walk. Jenna finally discarded her ice cream and ran after me.

Dr. Nash was a nice older man with iron-grey hair and a salt-and-pepper beard. He wore thick, horn-rimmed glasses, and he frowned disappointedly at us as we snuck into class at the back.

"I see that these two have no notion of the meaning of the term _on time_," he said. "They can make up for it by helping me move equipment after class."

Dr. Nash's physics class went by speedily as usual. Once it was over, we began to move things for him.

"You know," said Dr. Nash as we worked, "I've never liked useless females. In fact," he continued, "I get rid of them as quickly as I can."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Jenna. "You failing us?"

"No," said Dr. Nash. "You're volunteering for my space-time experiment. A gate between worlds! You'll be in all the history books!"

"Uh-huh," I said. "And what precisely makes you think we'll sign a release for that?"

"You already did," he stated simply, suddenly pushing us forward. "It was in the syllabus you signed."

"WHAT!?" yelled Jenna.

"I told you we should have read that thing before we signed it," I said.

"Get in there," snarled the usually deceptively kind voice of Dr. Nash... as he shoved us into a machine and locked the door. He pressed some buttons, there was a whirring noise... and a gate appeared. No, really, a gate. Literally. A golden gate with purple eyes on it. It opened, and we both screamed in terror. We have an excuse, I swear; there were all these creepy creatures with big eyes and weird smiles. We fought it, but inevitability isn't something you can win against; their black arms pulled us through into some strange world we had never even imagined.

We fell a long way. It was dark. A few fires burned around some kind of circle etched in the ground, but it still looked like a set for a cheap horror movie. A middle-aged blond man and a dark-haired woman gazed into the center, their expressions horrified. I really couldn't make out what all the fuss was supposed to be over. There was _something_ in the middle, all right. I just couldn't tell what.

"Is it... _him,_ Hoenheim?" whispered the woman.

"No, Dante," said the blond man. "We must have done something wrong."

"Are you sure?" Dante asked, a slight catch of disappointment in her voice, as though she might begin to cry at any moment.

"Yes," said Hoenheim. "It's barely alive, anyway. It will probably die soon."

"Darling, please!" Dante begged, the tears now spilling down her cheeks. "What if it _is_ him? Will you just let him die?"

"There's nothing I can do for it," he said. "Dante, it's a pile of guts. How am I supposed to heal that?"

"What about the Stone?" she said. "Maybe... we could fix it with the Stone."

Hoenheim sighed. "Dante, all the stones we have are useless... incomplete. How is that going to work?"

"You could at least _try_!" Her voice faltered, and she softly continued, "He was our son... Please, at least try. Try... for_ me_." Her eyes glistened with tears.

Hoenheim sighed. "All right," he said wearily. "Bring the stones." Dante turned and left the room.

I turned to Jenna. "What kind of maniacs have we stumbled across?" I whispered to her.

"No clue," she returned a little too loudly for my comfort.

"SHHH!!" I said. "She's coming back."

"Here, darling," said Dante. Hoenheim took the small red jewels from her. He placed them in the circle, clearly expecting something to happen... and was disappointed when nothing did... until a disgusting squelching sound, coupled with some kind of mutated moaning, began to come from the middle of the circle. The pile of entrails in the middle was moving slowly, painfully, toward the stones. Misshapen hands grasped at the stones and brought them upwards, where they disappeared into some opening that might at some time have been called a mouth. Crunching, slurping sounds accompanied the motion. The creature began to make other sounds, curling, twisting, slithering sounds... like it was coming together.

"Darling?" Dante asked. "Did it work? Is he?"

"_Something's_ happening," he said. "I am not yet sure what." The pile began to moan and choke.

"Gluuuh..gluuuh...gluuuck...GLAAAAAHHH!! AAAAGGGHHH!!" it screamed.

"What _is _that thing?" I whispered to Jenna.

"I dunno."

"Okay."

The poor creature continued to scream loudly, writhing and throwing itself all over the circle. Entrails and blood splashed everywhere, snaking together as if they had a will of their own. A drop of something splashed onto my face, and I suppressed the urge to hurl, my face turning a greenish hue.

"AAAAAGHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAIIIIIIEEE!!" it wailed, the last bits of flesh slithering into place... and lay still.

"Is it over?" Dante whispered.

"I think so," said Hoenheim. Dante ran into the center of the circle.

"Hoenheim!" she cried. "It's _him_!" She pulled the creature into her arms and began to cry.

"No, Dante," he said firmly. "Whatever that thing is, the one thing it is _not_ is William." He turned and walked out of the room.

"_I_ believe in you, sweetheart," Dante said, looking down at the sleeping form in her arms. "Just wait. He'll see. I never lost my little Willie." William's golden eyes suddenly popped open, his wispy hair fluttering as he stirred slightly.

"Who are you?" Dante blinked.

"Why, I'm your mother, sweetheart. Don't you remember me?"

"No." Dante paused, a stricken, heartbreaking expression on her face.

"So... you're not William?"

"I don't know. You tell me. Who am I?" Dante thought about this for a moment

"You're not William... You're going to wish you were him, though," she said after a moment, a cruel smile coming across her features. "In fact," she continued, "you're likely always going to wish you were someone else... so I will call you Envy."

"Envy?"

"Yes." Envy thought about that for a moment.

"I don't really like that... Mother?" he said, furrowing his brow. "Can I be William instead?"

"No," replied Dante, "but that does, however, prove my point. Also," she continued, an angry blush coming over her cheeks, "never call me Mother again."

Envy made a small sound like a whimper.

"Get over it," snapped Dante.

Envy seemed to be struggling not to cry.

"Get up," she said.

Envy lay still. She kicked him in the face.

"Get up."

"If you're not Mother... who _are_ you?" asked Envy quietly. Dante smirked.

"Master." She turned to sweep out of the room. Envy glanced in our direction and jumped a little.

"M-master?" he stuttered.

"Yes, Envy?"

"Who are those people over there?"

"What people?"

Envy pointed straight at us. "Those people." Dante looked up at us. A cruel smile crossed her lips.

"They are intruders," she said. "Now I want you to kill them for Master."

"Kill them? Why?"

"Because Master says so," said Dante sweetly. "Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Well, of course--"

"Then kill them."

"Hey, wait up a second there!" I said, putting my hands in the air.

"I don't care why you're here, or what you're doing," said Dante. "You have broken into my house, and you will die. Rip them apart, Envy."

"Okay."

"No, you really don't want to do that, do you, Envy?" I babbled. He walked closer and closer. "Please, don't. I have a life, a family!" He wrapped his hands around my throat. I screamed, but lack of air made everything start to fade. The last thing I saw was his sad face above mine, tears in his eyes as he ripped my throat out.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Over 400 years later...

I popped my knuckles, something I always liked to do to relieve stress just before a battle. I knew that I had nothing to worry about unless someone had my human remains, which was highly unlikely, but... I still had some inner warning bell that rang whenever I might be about to engage in what would be extremely risky combat for a human, and so I popped my knuckles. I guess the habit carried over from my old self. Who knew, and who cared, really?

I looked sideways at Malice. She was, as usual, just standing there without even a hint of emotion. I wished I could be that unflappable in the face of... well, whatever we were about to face. I wasn't exactly sure. Envy had said that someone was inside the little house... Full of Metal? That sounded about right, but I wasn't sure.

I was more of a spy operative myself. I usually didn't come on assassination attempts, unless they were extra covert. Thus, I spent more time with Envy while Malice was out with Lust and that creep Gluttony. Did you know, he once had the nerve to ask if he could eat me? Not that he could have, but... ew. I wasn't the only one who thought that of Gluttony, but I didn't say anything about it in front of Lust. She'd get all protective, like he was her little kid or something. The guy looked at least thirty. He didn't need a mom.

Sloth was to one side of me, petting that little... well, I was going to say brat, but I just don't have it in me right now. Envy's the rude one of the bunch, really. I personally think the little thing's quite the charmer. Am I gushing? How weird. Anyway, I thought Envy was a bit of a jerk to act that way toward the kid. I mean, surely he knew what it's like to have a parent who doesn't want you, right? Nobody really talked about it, but I could have sworn I'd heard something like that somewhere. Heartbreaking stuff, really. Hm... that sounded a little too nice. I'm supposed to be evil, a heartless monster, right? That's a little out of character... but, oh well. It's me. If I can't have a break from being mean once in a while, what's the point of being mean at all?

Anyhow, we were supposed to be capturing this Full of Metal human person so that Master could make the Stone. I wasn't exactly sure how it was done, but Lust didn't seem to want to talk about it when I asked her, so I didn't ask any more. I decided that I might ask Envy to tell me about it sometime. He wasn't as... well, reserved about things as Lust. Actually, that's only part true. He sliced my stomach open when I asked him about his dad. It was gross. I had to put my intestines back in before my wound closed.

Hm... that sounded a little squeamish. I'm not, really. I can stand as much blood and guts as the rest of them, but:

A. I was much younger and less used to that sort of thing.

B. It was my _own_ insides. I'd like to see _you_ not get queasy over the sights, smells, textures, and sounds of your intestines spilling on the floor.

Moving on...

Oh, my! Am I rambling? Sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes. Breaking into Full of Metal's house. Well, that was easy. I mean, how hard is it to smash a window when any cuts you get heal instantly? That's just _ridiculously_ cinchy.

No one was there. I was disappointed, but Envy said that he'd planned it this way. He immediately sat down on Full of Metal's couch and turned on the radio. There was some kind of drama thing on about some alchemist who went out treasure hunting or something. It was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. An _alchemist_ going treasure hunting? Why didn't he just transmute some treasure? What an idiot.

"WHAT THE HECK!?" a strident voice screamed just outside the door.

"Right on time, pipsqueak," sneered Envy quietly, smirking. He motioned to us to conceal ourselves, which we did. There was the noise of a key in a lock, and a loud stomping announced that someone had come into the room.

"WHO BROKE THE WINDOW!?" the voice I knew must be that of Full of Metal shrieked.

"I did, Pipsqueak," said Envy, who must have been grinning widely as he stalked through the kitchen door. He was so tall. Malice and I peeped from behind the couch, and I found it hard not to laugh at the silly little chibi. His face was bright purple. How old was he supposed to be again?

"WHOAREYOUCALLINGSOSMALLTHATTHEYTRIPPEDOVERTHETHRESHHOLDOFAMOUSEHOLE!?"

I giggled. What a dork. Malice didn't say anything. I was a little confused.

"Why aren't you laughing at the silly little chibi?" I asked in a whisper.

"What...a...cute..chibi," was the only response I got. What a drag.

"Malice, get a hold of yourself," I said. "He's a silly little chibi. I bet I could break him with my pinky."

"Don't...break...so...cute..." Apparently, I wasn't the only one prone to ridiculous statements. He wasn't _that_ cute!

Envy, in the meantime, had responded, "You."

Full of Metal yelled and jumped at Envy like a little kid who's just had his candy taken away. What a silly chibi. Envy was our best fighter; how silly!

Envy, of course, easily dodged the kick and responded with one of his own. This one connected to Full of Metal's face with a smack that made me wince in sympathy. Poor little human! Attacking Envy isn't usually something humans walk or even crawl away from. Full of Metal fell to the floor, and I giggled again. He looked so funny like that!

"I hope we're not killing him," said Malice suddenly. What a silly person. Of course we were. I told her so, and she didn't seem to like that. I was a little annoyed.

"Why do you care?" I asked. "You just stand there while Envy eviscerates men, women, boys, girls, puppies, and kitties. What makes this different?"

"I... think he's cute."

"EWWW!!" I yelled, forgetting that we were supposed to be quiet. Full of Metal whirled to face the couch... just in time to reacquaint his face with Envy's foot.

"You like a _human_!?" I whispered once Full of Metal's attention was once again elsewhere. "They're so... flimsy. You punch them once, not even hard, and they fall over dead."

"Shut up," Malice said. I was surprised. You see, like I said, Envy's the rude one... she's usually nice to me... I was mad and so I slapped her. "I love him and that's that!" she hissed, rubbing her red cheek from where I had hit her.

"Love?" I asked, incredulous. Silly Malice! Surely she knew... "We don't have that capacity, silly!" I continued. "We can't love anyone. Besides, you just saw him for the first time today! Isn't that a little...um... fast?"

"I know we can't," she said, "but I still... feel something."

"Besides disgust and scorn?" I asked. Malice usually acted like the whole world was her destruction playground. This was weird.

"Yes!" Malice's smile was positively creepy at this point. I edged away from her, feeling upset that she was suddenly so out of character. "Dysphoria," she asked, noting my look of consternation, "what's wrong?"

"You're... scaring me," I said, feeling no need to beat around the bush. Full of Metal screamed, and I grinned. I was familiar with that sound. Envy's arm was very sharp when he wanted it to be. No doubt we'd be going back to Master soon. I looked back to shoot a triumphant glance at Malice, but she wasn't there. "Huh?" I said, just as a chestnut blur raced by and tackled Envy, who fell to the floor with a startled cry. He swore and looked up at Malice.

"What are you doing, Malice?" he asked sharply, an angry sparkle coming into his purple eyes. My, were they a pretty shade of violet... Oh my, did I just say that out loud? No one's supposed to know I think that... oh crap, what if Envy reads this?

"It just occurred to me," she said, "that Master said she wanted him alive." No she didn't. Master said no such thing. Why was Malice lying to Envy? I bet it was because she wanted to keep Full of Metal for a pet. He'd make a cute pet, I thought.

"What are you talking about?" Envy asked, annoyed. "Master would have mentioned such an important detail to me. Just let me kill him and we'll go." He tossed his head proudly, his hair swishing through the air as he turned back to Full of Metal. "Say goodnight, Pipsqueak." He grinned and reached to tear Ed's throat out. "My favorite kill," he noted almost, "just like my first." He looked at me, and I was confused. What was he talking about? Oh well, no matter. I watched my idol rapturously... someday I would be just as good as he was, I promised myself. I couldn't wait to train with him again...

Malice yelled and threw herself in front of Full of Metal.

"Master wants him alive. You will _not_ damage him," she hissed dangerously. Envy now looked profoundly disturbed. He swore.

"What the heck is wrong with you today?" he asked.

"Don't. Hurt. The. Chibi," Malice growled. Envy sighed.

"Fine," he sneered, regaining his dignity, "but you're responsible for getting him to Master. You may travel with us if you like, but I will have no part in presenting him to Master."

"That won't be necessary," spat Malice, grabbing Full of Metal by the wrist. "Come on," she hissed at him, "and don't move, or I'll slit your throat." She pulled her large knife out of her belt and put it to his neck. Full of Metal didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was worth a thousand curse words. Malice disappeared, taking Full of Metal with her. Her "thing" is teleportation. I daresay she practiced that exit. She tends to be overly dramatic, you know. Envy sighed.

"Let's go," he said in a more than usually subdued tone. I wanted to pat his back, but he probably would have just skinned me alive... and I wasn't in the mood for that. I sighed as well.

"Okay," was all I dared to say.

TBC...


End file.
